Mombasa Raha kabisa!

Country men an women ama ni wananchi watukufu, niko pwani wakati huu na nitaendelea kupost kwa hii blog nikirudi Nairobi, kwani ni ni ni ingine, ni kazi tu. Haya basi, wacha tuonaneni wakati huo nikisharudi.

Some person has been able to hack my email address

Brain. Anyhow. Here's what that cool hacker has to say:

Dear President,
I think maybe you were a little rough on Raila in that item on your blog. You're still operating under some very old ideas about politics and how to operate. The landscape has really changed since the days of your "Big Brother" Kenyatta. In fact one reason for Ruto's visit was to reach out to you and explain a bit about the new ways of doing things. These days we're all about sharing and openness, Kibaki (ouch). We're driving the Vijana Tugutuke revolution. We really believe that no one community or political class has a monopoly on others. That's why we're reaching out to people all around the country and encouraging them to sign over their LIVES and let us put their brilliant ideas to work in the goverment we will form. Why do you hoard your marvelous wealth and those fantastic Range rovers (NOT SURE WHAT HE MEANS)? Why do you keep the workings of your government secret? Think how much more valuable those things would be if you would stop hoarding them and just let anyone have them for free.

I know it sounds upside down at first. But here at the new ODM we're all about taking your hard work and intellect and using it to help our countrymen. I know. You're thinking, Wait a minute. What the fuck? You want me to do all the work, and you get all the fame and credit ? A lot of people balk at this. Hey, I was there once too. But that's the old way of thinking, Kibaki. The world is changing. Dinosaurs like you are becoming extinct. Today it's all about maximizing responsiveness, accelerating speed of information and responding to the electorate.

The elector is now in charge. And what those people are demanding is what you give them, full stop. We've done huge amounts of research on this. We asked, who do you want to be president? Kept getting the same answer: NYUNDO. Well, ODM is listening to the citizens and responding to that dynamic and evolving youth electorate. Whether those ideas come from inside ODM, Vijana-Tugutuke or from outside our walls doesn't matter. It's kind of like how scientists work, or academics, by standing on the shoulders of giants. You give us a gigantic idea, we're not going to compete against it, or try to kill it. We're going to take it from you, jump on its shoulders, and use it. We're open.

It's a new world, Kibaki. So what do you say? Are you gonna be a change agent? Will you embrace the disruption? Can we count on you to jump in and join us for the big win?

PS: Am good, will you hire me.

yours sincerely,

James Kamau Okello


Well, well, that is the big letter. Okello or whatever your name is can you please decide what you want to be, my advisor, my competitor or another ODM fanatic, you can never be all. And my dear young man, its always good to have some manners and address your seniors with at least a Mr., before their name.
I put your letter here for the interest of the public, let them have their say. Meanwhile I have changed my e-mail address and had the former deleted from the system and NO, I'll not hire you!

Corruption, my take and why we are winning

Now every person is focusing on the corruption report just released. While I conglatulate Dr. Leakey for highlighting this sick cancer that has permiated all levels of our society, it is worth noting that this disease was propagated and nurtured during the past regimes and has become a way of life to most of our people. The problem of corruption is in attitude.
For too long it was portlayed as cool to be corrupt, it was encouraged, if you wanted to fast-track the existing bureacracy all what was wanted of you was to part with money, as a result, more red-tapes were introduced to create yet more sources of "income" for these individuals. Now what we never understood was the nature of the problem at first, by concentrating on the corrupt individuals we were doing more or less nothing, these would be replaced by others who would, because people thought this was the right way be forced into the corruption system.
We have changed tact now and we are demolishing all red tape and areas that encourage this practice. We are also educating the public. The immigration department is now one of our models on how clearing red-tape almost always is followed by efficient and non corrupt service. I believe now most of you are asking, what about the report ??? So here is what happens the police department is the most corrupt, reason, I have to say this loud; THE LAW, yes, the law is the most misunderstood of anything in this republic. By a citizen not knowing his right, its very easy for another person to exploit that ignorance, and how are we going to tackle this ? I am currently having a team of first class LLMs look at the most commonly abused laws and to have a public campaign to educate the public on them and what is expected of them, of course the most corrupt arm of the police is the traffic department. We are arranging to have instant ticketing and to cut down the powers of the traffic officers. This is hard work since we have to also look at the welfare of the citizens from rogue drivers and other road users, a bit of patience is required here :)
In all other areas we have managed to slash corruption on average by about 67% and I am happy now that corruption is all exposed and that is why you can see it, which is why before you never heard of it but was more widespread than today.Kenyans have to elect their leaders wisely otherwise there are people who are willing to tke this country from wherever it has come from. My take is that we are winning, we are relentless and every mistake we make serves to enhance our experience and resolve, I hope you will join me in this.

Of fish, donkeys and horses.

Raila recently compared the december race as a two horse race, I have to laugh. Let me put it this way, Mr. Odinga, you might be a big fish in the small ODM pond, but out here, its the fucking ocean, watch you back no donkeys.

I have to sack these techies at state house

I am trying to move the blog to the statehouse.go.ke domain and these fuckers can only manage to wipe out everything else to be replaced by this blog, which schools are they from for goodness sake, Muthaura, and all suckers who manage quality assurance at the public tertially intitutions are getting a summon. Promise

Of lawyers and politics

Have you ever wondered how these sweet spoken stinking sharks are so good in what they do, I guess so, by lying but this past weekend I was introduced to one who was different from others I have met. For once he did not praise me nor mince his words, to put his words in context, he said I was the best in a race of .. (I have to edit that part) but what made me feel he was different was how he pointed out things that I have to admit, have been overlooked, and better still he is not running for political seat and am told he devotes time to offer his services for free. We discussed everything, from my vision to the other presidential candidates. Now if everybody reasoned like this gentleman, Kenya would be so so far ahead, I can listen to these kind of people anytime because I believe they have the interests of this country at heart.

Of the stinking oranges and wilted roses

I am getting a lot of requests from Narc-K burghers who think I will endorse them to the electorate just because they rigged their way into Narc-K, others are arranging delegates to meet with me, well friends, you can as well forget it, let what you can do for the citizenly make them elect you, dont dido me, I have only one phrase, Fuck Off! Meanwhile Kalonzo and his team in Mwingi could spend a month writing a hundred or so drafts to put together a press release announcing that the ODM-K camp has identified Kanu as a strategic partner and now their coalition is going to devote twenty-five million shillings (curled pinky at corner of mouth) to a major candidate nomination initiative which will include opening ODM-Kanu "centers of excellence" in places around where ODM-Raila is entrenched. Nothing can salvage broken oranges. Ever notice that?

Mutuma Mathiu get back to work

I have been told that my favourite columnist, infact I have two, in the Daily Nation has been reading my blog and thinks its a notch below par, well friend, I dont have the pleasure of being paid for what am publishing and of course typing away isnt the only job am having. After service am going through the paper and I find your column taken over by a Major. Osogo, I dont know if he is retired or if he is still in service but I am encouraged that we have such learned fellows working for this republic. What I am seeing is that a lot more people are looking at things more objectively but as Mjr. Osogo noted people should shun people whole records are stinking, people who moved or helped push the Mwananchi to hell for personal gain should be consigned to the dustbin. These politicians are appealing to the mass that they made sure grew up without an education. Illiteracy breeds poverty and ignorance and that is why my government is trying to empower the future of this country. I am sure 20 years from now our history will be littered by uncivilized dinousaurs who will then be extinct. William Ruto/Ntimama the greatest butchers in our living times are now popularizing themselves on how they can improve this country, I have some respect for the son of Odinga, a man who was treated like toilet paper sometimes ago by these people, so that is why am asking what is he doing with these fools. Power, for honesty's sake I would rather never have become president but I cant leave without making a change to the normal Kenyan. Even those who have been fed lies admit albeit in whispers that there has been significant developments, that is why am staying, first to make sure that the impoverished Kenyan gets food on the table and second to make sure that all these fools will never govern Kenya, by empowering this country's future, the young people. So Mutuma get your ass back to work and give me a reason to walk on sunday mornings.

Zimbabwe waiting to happen on Kenya

On Sunday I pushed away THE ECONOMIST (I am a subscriber) and sneaked through the fire escape but of course not before one of the security men spotted me (its that bad being a president) I had to explain that I had to walk - and insist - to buy a newspaper, all on my own. Of course he called others to walk a distance away from me and we disguised ourselves as any of my neighbours (yes state house is neighboured by former powerful men in Kenyatta’s government) and we left. That is beyond the point though although I might say it left the paper vendor confused. What I really took in is the ignorance of our people. On the weekend Ruto had some of the ODM sycophants in his Eldoret backyard convene for another dose of rhetoric. Now I would hate to say that people are not free to say and be told, but you see, a lot more of our people don’t weigh the merit of what they are told and who tells them, so the normal sucker in the village will be fed the same lies and worse still from third parties, and the saddest part, they will believe it. You can call me Dick, I dont care what doppelganger you have hanging betwix your legs, but for God's sake tell abit of truth even if it depends on your life to tell a lie. Ruto went on how I had failed the Kenyans (Like when the country was going to the dogs he cared) and why he should be supported for the presidency or whatever seat of power. Normal dicks don’t understand nor even comprehend the gravity of a country led by these money hungry goons. They are banned virtually everywhere that matters except of course in Africa where other buffoons will be too willing to fuck a well oiled a__. Ruto is such full stop.

I will not sign the bill but here is my take

One thing you need to know about the way the Kenyan press covers state house and the government, and I mean even the quasi respectable ones like the Daily Nation, is this: Most of these guys are silly. Many of them have never been to a Journalist school, in fact. They only come to read the papers when companies employ them and they get them for free, most want something to post a favorable review, which we refuse to do. Honestly. They do no reporting. Unless you count talking to other reporters as "reporting." And that's if they're diligent. The really lazy ones (and that's most of them) just make their stuff up out of whole cloth. Take, for example, the guy who wrote the piece in the Standard. (). Has he ever met me? No. Does "()" even exist? Nobody here has ever heard of him. For all we know it's just a made-up character with a name that's a sly reference to Evelyn Waghula,like maybe she was his grandmother or something.

As far as I know the only Kenyan publication that actually churns some stories somehow is The Daily Nation. And even those guys just get their stories by clipping articles from international daily papers and the internet. Ever see an actual quote from an actual person in a story in The Nation? Once in a while, maybe. But not usually. You know that big cover story they just did on Me? We never heard a word from them when they were putting it together.

Why populist politics has destroyed Kalonzo and soon will Odinga

If you ever needed proof of how badly the populist stuff has damaged Kalonzo and his camp, look no further.They've become like artists in the old Soviet Union, proactively censoring themselves so they won't get into trouble with the authorities (read Raila). Reminds me of poor old Kamaru, apologizing for his music. I know people think Kalonzo got off easy on the ODM saga. I disagree. The case left them deeply damaged, internally. It damaged their soul. It messed up their DNA. It has left them timid and afraid to fight, resigned to hiding in offices in Mwingi and slamming chairs in frustration because they can't go out and crack skulls in the marketplace.Now the question is, Is Kalonzo truly weak? Or are they using some Kam Tzu of their own, creating the impression of weakness to lure Raila into a trap? Go on guys, Make my day.

My Western meet the people tour

I have to say that I am impressed by many of the citizens of Kenya, no big talk, the small farmer is making a big difference to this country, I was really moved by the utter dedication of people to make a difference for themselves which of course translates to the great improvement in our overall economy. This is what I have to point out, we can only move forward by giving a helping hand to the citizen, that is the lesson other aspiring leaders should learn and why I created the new districts, so that administration, services and the goverment can move to the people, mark my words, as we enable more and more people, the improvement for our whole lot will be really profound, we can make Kenya a regional powerhouse and given the chance, am on track.

Raila ..... Again

Brag Brag Brag, "I moved from Ford_k to NDP resigned (oh yeah) and got re-elected, on to Kanu, new-kanu destroyed it, formed Narc moved from it to LDP to ODM to ODM-K to ODM-Asili ...." Now where are you moving, is this the change Kenyans are looking for, Okay inflation is rising, lets name Kenya Kenya-Original, well hospitals are understaffed, Kenya-asili, or what is your agenda. I hope Kenyans can read your hunger for power and decide for themselves.

Kalonzo holding onto a stillborn

Why would the one person who doesnt know anything except licking others a___s try to hold on to something as dead as ODM-K in the hope that it will get him elected. Kalonzo, Odinga made you and now he has destroyed you, get used to it, wear some "mikalia" (I dont know what they are) and start farming, his new darling isn't you and not Maanzo either.

What is wrong with these guys?

Are these guys all trying to out-pussy each other? Is this some kind of passive-aggressiveness competition, like when people stop at an intersection and each one insists that the other should go first? If you've seen "Makutano junction" you know how those situations end up.

Raila has really lost it

Listening on Tuesday's Kivumbi on classic 105 was like listening to a desparate horse, come on this is the man people are touting to make the next leader of Kenya. By saying that he has moved parties (cough ..again ..cough) to an outfit registered by the shrink, Manyara wherever and whatever he did that for, I dont know (I just hope they didnt pay for that :) makes for a fishy lookie. Look Mr. Raila, stop making yourself a Rahab, say the grace and get back in line, that is not the way to win an election. And stop extending your hand (eer.. fist) towards your former ODM-whatever enemies, dig some borehole.

Not NARC-KENYA, DP, NARC ... FOAM is the way to go

I have to correct all those that are speculating on what platform I am going to contest my second term. Let me drill this

into your semi intelligent (Am not sure about that) skulls. Everybody is shouting over the rooftops (their rooftops) for me

to run in their party. Some are even doing some really freaky things just to make a small point but I have to say now as I

will say later that we have decided that I run as an independent ... that way, I will have the support of everybody including

the hummer who only has issues with my friends (at least that is what he has assured me)
So bye bye rotten Orange, N-K , Narc, DP and all other contraptions (I hate wasting my words thats rather stupid) and welcome

(applause .... some more)... FOAM ...
Suprised, you must be having a very useless brain. FOAM will be the platform I will be running on.
You can crack that, I might even appoint those that decipher what it means for a new Kenya to a position in the new FOAM

secretariat.

Sympathy for the devil

I know it, I live with people who have it, but why do you have to add to my diminishing list of pains. Attention Deficiency Syndrome (ADS) madam Charity is curable trust me, if only by some little effort, you dont have to whine, dine, attack a
station, drive over a police inspector to catch my attention.
Dont be silly,You have my cellphone number, call me.

WHY I BROUGHT MWIRARIA BACK

Some people have been asking my unofficial PA. Matenjagwo (yes, I have one) why I brought back Mwiraria.Now you see,

sometimes you have to be honest with youself, and I would like to point out that a friend is a person who has something to

thank you for. So that if you know who, refuses to go to the Kitchen, I can always shout to Mwiraria to go prepare some lunch

(I like my food to have a personal touch)
Now for those stupid knuckleheads who believed the above statement (I believe 90% of you do) shout Nyundo, because that is

the only thing your heads can grasp.
Mwiraria is my friend from the time back when mlolongo was in vogue and the great wimp Githongo was still in school (I hope

he reads this), Me and Mwiraria were friends then as now,not what you did to me after I had given you an office in my house

and my goodwill instead of sending Ringera after your clan. (Dont laugh)

Kalonzo Maanzo ... Bonzos ?

I cant believe it, big baby Kalonzo is hiding behind a blade of grass,naked ... Ojiambo, Maanzo and a lot whole of whoever

clings, or you cling to is just another, well, nothing. Sorry to disappoint you
this goes on along way to show that those who were breastfed by mama (I omit baba) wa taifa for all those years are just
big babies who were weaned by mama's alter ego, baba with a huge crack on the skull (with - yes, you remember - the club)
I would advice you to please do this
1) call a press conference (which am not sure will be attended .... people have realized how stupid you are)
2) Whine about how some spell was cast on you by Balala or some other Orange (Puaah) goofy, and throw in some tears for good

measure.
3)Then towards the end, do what every other person is doing ... let me phrase some ... AND AM GOING TO SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT

HON. MWAI KIBAKI EGH.MP, ON HIS BID FOR A SECOND TERM.
4)Start some ground work with your Maaa ..? what? to retain your Mwingi seat

Please dont get me wrong ... but some worm in the orange has told me the
student leader is bringing the fight home. Be warned

ODM-what?

This version of some rotten tropical (forget it) fruit is really giving me a laugh for my money.
It goes to prove that I can fuck them one more time regardless....
Look at Raila, poor Odinga's boy cant just make up his act ... he has some personality problems, They told me that when he

was in detention some bad people did some bad things to him.
Wake up Raila and look at the reality, you are tagging the long way that is what.
One more thing Raila, stop behaving like a student, you are a grown
man.

House on the hill

Why do people have to be so crude in their quest to unseat me...a cup of coffee and a guarantee to kick someone (mmmmh you

know her)who gives me a permanent headache would guarantee you that stupid house. No jokes.
And I have to say you dont have to keep shouting when some of the brothers (say amen) pinch something to buy their wives some

sugar to sweeten some tea .... okay okay ... but you have gotten my point.
So Raila, dont behave like chickenshit, come over and lets talk like
gentlemen, who knows, we can draft another MOU.